iBattleshi*s – An iPhone Game App ‘Review’
Posted on 22. Aug, 2009 by thetraynor in $4, 4 Star Ratings, iPhone Game App Reviews
This App Sucks. [iTunes Link]
| Our Rating: 4/10 |  |
[Screenshots] |
So, iBattleships… I don’t know what to say about this app, theres nothing about it I like. You know you first hear “Battleship is coming to the iPhone” and you get a little excited because you haven’t played it in years… then after the wait you finally get it and you realize it would have been more fun watching paint dry…
Lets just get to the point, down and dirty, this app sucks. End of story. Why does it suck you might ask? Lets see:
- Control system. So you launch the app all excited to relive your childhood and you see the menu screen pop up, you anxiously press “play” and the game begins. Once loaded you see your game board and ships just like the original board game. What you also see is the appearance of the top of a joystick on the right hand side of screen. A little confusing? I think so… so once you figure out that you need to use the joy stick to place your ships, you realize that wait, the game board is on an angle so if I press up on this stupid joystick, it doesn’t always go up. But if I go on angle it goes to the right, so you start hitting yourself in the head because its more fun than the game.
Secondly once you get your ships places you have to continue using the joy stick to fire on your enemies… Is it just me or does this defeat the entire point of a TOUCH SCREEN phone? Did the dev team say “how can we effectively use the touch screen .. LETS NOT AND CREATE A MOTIONLESS TOUCH JOYSTICK TO ANNOY ALL OUR POSSIBLE USERS??? DURHHHHH.
- Okay I think I’ve ripped the controls enough now lets talk about how it looks. Your game finally loads and all your game boards are on an angle which is kinda weird but alright, lets give this a shot. So you place ALLLLLLLL 5 of your ships, and then the enemies board (blank for you to fire at) comes into view. Now you have 2 boards in view, both on that annoying angle that just screws with your head and the motionless POS joy stick that doesn’t work properly. Now both boards are small and annoying to navigate with the crap control system, why isn’t there an option to see them one at a time… Don’t ask me, but there should be.
Now I think I’ve ripped on this app pretty good, so lets talk about the dev teams options for fixing this. Wait, did I say options, I mean option. As in theres only one solution.
TRASH IT AND START OVER.
Now I know someone’s going to say ‘but they got through Apple’s screening process’ well fyi an app where you can shake a baby to death got through the process, so this is nothing.
Now I know normally here at iPhoneappreviewer.com we do a whole rating scale and offer improvement suggestions, but I’m only going to give one.
If you want a high scoring review, submit this app to a site more along the lines of iPhoneCRAPreviewer.com …
thetraynor out.
Like this rant? Follow me on twitter @thetraynor for more rants and stupid stuffs.
Final Rating: 4/10
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